Theme Park Operation - For Dummies

[Mikey]

Parking Lot - Charge $25 for parking, $75 for preferred, and $100 for valet parking. Yes you read that right, fork over 100 bucks so the kid who failed his certification test for the crazy bus ride can park your $45,000 SUV using only the gas pedal and the hand brake. Hope you have insurance.

Main Gate - Charge an outrageous entrance fee, like more then a dollar per ride. Anytime you add a water fountain or paint a fire hydrant jack up the price by $5.99. Oh, and if you close half the rides in the winter, don't bother to adjust the price to compensate.

Guest Relations - Have the most incompetent guest relations department possible. Make sure they can't height check properly, and that as a good will gesture they issue pre-measured 54 inch wrist bands to any toddler that comes forward, because height requirements are just operator non-sense anyway. If a guest complains about a ride malfunction, ignore it until it catches fire or kills someone. I mean, that's what product liability insurance is for right? If it starts raining, close the guest relations office, claim it can't operate in inclement weather and this is unable to issue rain checks.


Employee Relations - Make all of your employees purchase a see through safety yellow mesh uniform with the words "Have a #9829; do your part, help keep the park clean" written in big bold text on the back. Make them consistently say "Have a Something Flags Day!, Sponsored by Miracle Whip!" every time they must great a guest. Charge them over $75 for a complete uniform set that didn't cost the company more then $25 to acquire from China. Require employees to eat at the company cafeteria, which serves the same crap the guest get. Charge them more then actual cost, once again make sure its slop. Make no attempts to resolve employee complaints, fire any person who isn't a "team player", which means isn't willing to stay late and clean the ride after operating it for 16 hours straight with out any breaks. Make sure all of the departments are understaffed, this makes the management look like heroes when they some how manage to make it through another day. In reality they are holed up in their office playing solitaire. Make it a point to only promote "team players" and friends regardless of qualifications or experience. Make sure that you can cover up your mistakes (Including any accidents you may have created) with your "team players". Don't ever evaluate your senior management officials, let them run wild and create as many liabilities for the company as possible. Advance them to senior positions until the company becomes destabilized and/or in bankruptcy.

Food Services - Charge at least $10 per entree, charge at least $3.50 for a drink, and source your consumables from a bland supplier like Sysco or Ben E Keith. Make no effort to create a presentable product or set any food quality standards. Basically burn the food, throw it in a plastic basket with some paper and toss it to the guest. If you train them right they might even be able to handle this task all in one motion.

Ride Operators - Make your ride operators run the rides until they crash or break. If they raise a question about ride safety fire them. Ignore their repeated request for bathroom breaks until after they have pressed the E-Stop and walked away from the operator panel. In fact, don't give them any breaks at all, and if they are scheduled to get off at 4PM force them stay until close. I mean its so easy to run a ride for 16 hours straight in 102* heat while trying not to piss your self.

I mean, that is pretty damn spot on...

I think I just pissed myself laughing...do I get a break now?

A ride op at Indiana Beach once called security on me because I "took an attitude" (asked about a policy) and said she "felt threatened" (was pissed off because she was working for 12 hours). The bitch even admitted she worked for 12 hours and security ignored the multiple witnesses.

With that said, Six Flags operations are pretty good. At least Great America.

^pahahahahahaha your second and very short paragraph fails

Hell, the best ride ops I've ever had were at f*cking Adventure Island!

it looks like mikey is pissed off at someone, but i carnt put my finger on who

ahahahahhahahahah.. That was epic.
The most perfect description of SFNE i have ever heard.

Absolutely perfect with my trip yesterday there LOL

Looks like a spinoff of The Industrial Terminology Thread...

[Mikey]

Now turn it into a song.